A parent called our office today in complete distress. She had become a stepparent to a now 13-year-old girl when she married her husband 3 years ago and now has two-year-old twins. The difference in ages of the children has thrown her for a loop and she hasn’t had much time to focus on the older one in the past year. Everything seemed to be going as smoothly as could be expected until her stepdaughter started middle school this year. In the past couple of weeks, they noticed that she had taken to spending a lot of time in her room and seemed quiet and sullen at the dinner table when she previously was a happy, lively kid. The mom had chalked it up to the end of summer blues until the girl left her cell phone on the kitchen table while taking a shower. Her mother noticed a great deal of texting activity popping up and couldn’t help but look at what was going on. Immediately she realized that the discussion was mean, condescending and directed at her daughter. These so-called “new friends” she had started hanging out with were not only asking her for all the questions on the history test she had taken earlier in the day, but some comments were exchanged via group text about an upcoming birthday party. Immediately the stepmother got a knot in her stomach and felt ill. She knew that her stepdaughter had not been invited to the upcoming party and felt horrible at how she would feel when she read the string of online conversation. She wanted to delete the whole thing, but knew that she had already invaded her privacy and couldn’t possibly let on to what she had read.
When the girl came downstairs to retrieve her phone, the mom played it cool and gently asked how things were going. This is the same question she had been asking everyday after-school, but this time the twins were in bed and her stepdaughter had her complete attention. She broke down and started to cry. She told her everything that had been going on and finally showed her some mean comments that were made on her Ask FM account. The parent listened closely and suggested that they shut down the account for the time being. She then suggested that instead of going along with this bullying behavior and becoming a victim, she either confront these girls or walk away from it for a nicer group of girls. She deeply wanted to call the parents and let them have it, but instead left the decision up to her daughter. She knew it would be best if the teenager decided what to do.
In the meantime, the mom told me she had done some research and found out that her daughter’s experience was not uncommon. In fact, a recent study as reported in Healthday News shows that girls in fifth and sixth grade experience a surge in cyber bullying. The good news is that it does taper off with maturity, but this is a time when it’s extremely important for parents to be supervising their kid’s online activity. Especially since for many girls, social bullying is a way of generating buzz, alleviating boredom and gaining attention for themselves. The moral of the story is that if you notice your teenager acting quiet, depressed, or anxious, take a look at what’s happening via social media websites and texting. This particular mom was savvy but it got by her strictly because of her own daily distractions. In order to supplement her parenting skills, this mom decided that some online parenting classes were in order as soon as possible. She was happy to learn that she could sign up and take them at her own convenience and that the classes address all ages and stages of childhood.